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"Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes." - J.K. Rowling
Oh my god.
Luckily, we’ve discovered a delightfully new way to become awake and alert without the unpleasantness of artificial electronic buzzing. Stephen Fry, the wonderfully dry and proper Englishman, reprising his role as “Jeeves,” a gentleman’s gentleman. Do not call him a butler, though he can, of course, buttle with the best of them.
Here are some examples of Jeeve’s warm voice as he announces the breaking of the dawn, and the urgency of your need for wakefulness.
- It appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the Earth that is to blame, Sir.
- I am delighted that you have survived another night.
- I’m afraid the staff has absconded, Sir, and it is my day off. I trust it would not be too onerous, Sir, to make your own exquisitely sliced toast and perfectly cooked breakfast?
- Let us seize the day and take it roughly from behind, as the Colonel used to say in his unfortunate way.
- Your horoscope is promising very considerable profit and equal quantities of pleasure. The world merely requires your presence for the process to begin.
- The world has been very anxious to hear from you for the last eight hours. Shall I inform the news agencies you’re about to rise, Sir?
- The rising and the shining cannot be postponed indefinitely. Though shining is not compulsory in this intractable world, the rising eventually is.
- I feel sure you have slept soundly, feel thoroughly refreshed, and await the day with the anticipation of an energetic gazelle.
- It is time to face the day. Shall I cancel your appointments and book a hotel for a month in Seychelles? Very good Sir.
OH MY GOD. NEED THIS NOW.